Friday, January 17, 2014

You think you like it?

Sometimes we have gotten so used to something
that we make ourselves believe we still like it.
Even when we no longer do.
We still continue to take one bite after another,
because the taste is so familiar.
Even when each bite brings us closer to.. nothing.
Meaningless chewing.

Photo from
Sometimes we aspire and want something for so long that we create an idea in our mind
An idea sans imperfection and at the same time away from reality.

Sometimes we create a bubble of a big idea
that we (think) we know, completely,
Only to hold onto that bubble which ...really exists.
It exists in our mind, in our memory,
of something that once was, but no longer is.
Or of something which always just existed,
in that corner of our mind
far and protected from everything else.
And by everything else, I mean far from truth (and reality).

Just a random feeling I put into words as I was eating a big cake slice. Which I eventually just threw in the bin, because continuing to eat it was pointless. It didn't satisfy my craving, my hunger and I couldn't really taste it anymore. Maybe it was too big a piece? Maybe it wasn't baked to my liking? I know for a fact I am a chocoholic and so I tried to understand why I couldn't finish my chocolate cake slice. Sorry baker, it's nothing personal....

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Oh Diego!

Instead of doing the million things that I must do, I chose to google Diego Bunuel. One of my most recent gorgeous crushness. It has been a very, very long time since I've had one - And I don't blame it on having too much time on my hands because I don't have any! I rarely watch TV and if I do it is most likely when Masterchef is on, or National Geo Adventure's Don't tell my mother - which Diego hosts. I only came across his  series this year (oh, better late than never!!) and instantly fell in luuuve. Must be the charm behind his attractive eloquence. Or the eyes that talk much more - offering an ever friendly gaze to the person he exchanges words with, either in French, Spanish or English. *Sigh* more pogi points to add onto his boyish charm. His series take you to (dangerous) road less travelled cities of the world, showcasing more than the usual landscapes and more into the lives of people in these places. Apparently he's graduated with a Journo degree from Northwestern Uni, well travelled journalist, and is French-Spanish-Mexican by descent and - currently married with kids! (Shame, shame, shame, if only... haha).

Enough of my drooling and onto other important things..
Photo from Google

Photo from Google

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Judge Marie

When I first came to Australia over a decade ago occasionally I would come across Fil-Aussies (first degree or second degree migrants) who have not been back (or in case of second degree teen migrants who have never been to MNL) to Manila for many years. I would secretly always be judging them even without knowing the reason/s behind not being back home that long. I was Judge Marie back then.

Here I am now, in their shoes - shoes of those whom I used to judge. I am Marie, and last time I was back in Manila was January 2011. Three long years ago. I have my own reasons for not being back in that long period. I know I wanted so very bad to go. Every year slipped by unknowingly. I know in that time frame no week has passed without the thought of me missing home. But yes it has been that long since my last.

We all have our stories to tell. Our reasons for being, for not doing, or for staying. Somehow it took me so long to understand the awkward answer to the question I used to pose to someone else "why they haven't gone "home" for so long?" Surely it is not a simple question, and the answer is various beyond words.
Photo Credit:

Friday, January 03, 2014

Our lives are full of waiting room moments

Time stops for those who are waiting, and I am part of this exclusive club. For now. Until when I no longer have to wait (again).

Good news, bad news. Really, sometimes the result does not matter as much as the agony of uncertainty. Of course, though, good news is always welcomed with both arms open wide. While bad news is shoved to the back. And then the first step forward hurriedly taken.

Different phases in life when we are taken for a ride in that waiting wagon:

> As a toddler, our parents waited for us to roll over on our own for the first time, parents waited to capture that first step. Parents, in general, do a lot of waiting to witness 'first' milestones in their children's lives.

> As a pre-teen, we wait and wait to grow up. Wait until we finish primary school, high school. Waiting to enter university and have that bit of freedom. At school, we wait for summer breaks. Parents' promise of overseas travel, or local beach breaks. Or, we could be waiting to go back to school and see our friends again.

> Just before finishing school, we wait for exam results to see which uni we are starting our 'young adulthood' journey. We wait for the first day we start uni in normal clothes, without having to wear that checkered high school uniform.

> At uni, we are always waiting obsessively for grades to come out after exams and assessments. We are waiting for long and boring lectures to end. We are waiting and counting down the minutes until we see our bf/gf again.

> After finishing our degree, we wait and hope to hear back from 'that' dream company we always wanted to be part of. Finally, landing that dream job, we wait for holiday breaks to just get away from work and unwind.

> Going on a trip? Are we there yet? And we've only just left the house.. It is a wait to get to the destination. A 20 hour plane trip, then a couple of hours car ride to the jetty, oh and a ferry across the lake for half an hour. Finally reaching the island destination, only to catch a 15 minute rickshaw ride to your hideaway for the week?! Must be all worth it!

> Soon after getting serious with our bf, we wait for the moment he will propose. Upon getting engaged, it is the wait for THE wedding day. It can be a quick wait, as with short month long engagements...or an arduous 3 year wait for the BIG date.

> And then of course, waiting to take a pregnancy test when you are trying for a baby is another patience testing pressure point. How many pregnancy tests did you take only to get a big fat Negative??!

Our lives are full of waiting room moments. If we are lucky enough, we can have good lifelong friends waiting with us in that room. Lots of interesting conversations happen while waiting. A lot of virtues can be honed while patiently waiting. They say character is formed at these times. One undergoes a series of cycles, stages.....

First hour waiting.... Still giddy and excited. Still chatting away with your buddy.

Six hours pass..... Shuffling in your seat, bored, anxious, frustrated, tired. Keeping quiet.

Nine hours pass.... Still sitting in the same spot, tipping point, eyes rolling, numerous sighs, snapping at your seatmate. Suddenly everything and everyone is annoying.

Twelve hours pass... You are feeling excited again because you can see signs to your destination now 100 kms left.

Finally, you have arrived your destination. Bliss. No looking back at the long way here. Just soak up the joy. Worth every wait. Hmm....


New beginnings
Great starts
Hopeful thoughts
Wishful hearts

So much to look forward to this year. I am not making resolutions. I guess everyday life is a chance to be a better person. However, a new year gives that extra boost to become nicer, kinder, happier, more ambitious, more creative, more involved, more loving, more helpful, more caring, more conscientious... just more in general.

Wishing the world and everyone in it a better 2014!! Better in every aspect :) I think everyone deserves it after a very trying 2013. Cheeeeeers to a brand new chapter!!


The big 4-0

Turning 40 soon has had me thinking about a few things lately. One, major one is whether to have another baby. Hmm. I guess this is partly n...