Complete.

Complete is such a big word- especially when talking about being "done" with having kids.

I would love to have lots of kids, having come from a large family myself. However, there are a few important reasons which hubby and I think/agree/decide(d) on about having more children. (Note: We both would LOVE to have more, but with the way things are we don't think we will have any more).

(I've just realised now that a lot of my posts recently involve inumerations or lists of some sort - I just love, love, love lists!!) Here are two throw back posts fromlist loving 'me': Bursting with Ideas, and A traveller's check list.

Here are some of the reasons why hubby and I think our family is now complete:

1. We have two lovely girls with us, and a little boy in heaven watching over us. Our two girls have each other and we are beyond thankful that they will grow up with a lifelong friend/each other. As much as I would really love to have them be a part of a bigger sibling friendship..............

2. I am nearly 40 years old, and my body seems like it cannot cope with another pregnancy - having lost our little angel in 2014, having had 3 rather difficult pregnancies and deliveries. To have another pregnancy may not be the safest way.

3. Living overseas without family to help will drive me insane if we have another one. Although this one can really be overridden and only would be extremely difficult on the first year or two. Once the children reach 2 years old it usually is more cruise-y and enjoyable.

4. Serious financial issues must be looked at soon, and having another little one means our 'saving' mode will be delayed. We have decided since having our eldest that we would be the primary carer for our children and not put them in childcare for so many personal reasons. And having reason #3 to add to this situation, we have defaulted to being a one (regular) income family. I do have my business and sidelines, but that is very dependent on season and effort I put in (intentionally or involuntarily-- family comes first obviously).

These are the main reasons which I can think of now, but I am sure there are a few other compelling reasons to make us say our family is now complete. Although. while we were at church yesterday I felt this yearning to try for another boy. I think I saw a little boy seated (or lying on the floor mostly, actually!) and I wondered what it was like to be a parent of a little boy (on earth). They (boys) are a totally different specie to girls is what they say! I mentioned it to hubby but I don't think he felt the same yearning as I did. Although the feeling was real and true, I am set back by the above reasons.... and so I am just focusing on being happy and thankful for our girls.

Tonight, while scrolling on Facebook I came across a lovely page and store (etsy!). Just made me think even more about our family being complete and about my girls growing up as sisters. I myself have 3 sisters and so seeing these artworks put a smile and a tear at the same time.... for so many reasons. (And probably also due to my hormones!!).

Anyway, I came across Heather Stillufsen on Facebook, Blog and on Etsy. I love her work! Here are a few of her works which I find appropriate for this entry!

Photo from Heather Stillufsen's page

Photo from Heather Stillufsen's page

Since then

Hubby's given me the talk.. I've been too whingey lately and it's sending him not pleasant signals that the novelty of having a baby is gone. Admittedly, I have been whingeing too much. And I feel bad that maybe little B is sensing it... Bad vibes.. So, I have and am, making a conscious effort to be positive and not whinge. Much. Much less. Especially when it comest to me selfishly wanting me time. To work. (Have realised that as much as I am a career oriented person, I am a mum now. And a wife.)

So, here's my top three thoughts/motivations to keep me from slipping back to my old whingey self:

Photo from http://creativethursday.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/03/growing-up.html

1. The little girl now won't stay little for too long. She is beginning to be communicative, and that just makes her all the more irresistible. In other words, as much as she is testing my patience big time, she is just being herself = cheeky baby. This stage won't last long, before you know it, she's spending more time with her friends than me.

2. Work can wait. Having decided to have a baby is a lifelong commitment. It's about sacrificing, knowing priorities. At the moment, we may not have all the spare moolahs to spend, but at the end of the day little B just wants me and her dadda's time, love and attention. The occasional new toys are just perks. But really, quality time spent together is priceless. In a few years, we can get back on track with our savings. For now, enjoy the moment.

3. Keeping it simple is the key to (my) happiness. (my decision and definition of happiness). One day at a time, one step at a time. There's plenty to do, but it all starts with small steps. Every step of the way will lead to something worthwhile.

I am thankful for hubby's not-so-gentle reminder. Sometimes it's just what I need. A verbal whack in the head.

Ideally this would be me

Ya, ya ya, the picture I wish was me working at home. Poised, composed, neat.

But not!

Since officially starting work at home last week, I have been calm, but not poised. The house is a mess. I guess I am just about to make my (our) routine. Not as easy. A baby does not have the best routine. But I suppose that should not throw me off my goal. Working from home would work, and I will make sure it does.

Although it means being able to time my calls in B's good, silent moods. Checking and replying to emails quickly. Doing my research with one hand feeding B, while the other is typing away.

Well of course this only happens in the beginning. Things will be better. Before I know it the little one is not so little anymore, and I would have mastered the art of juggling my time. For now, I look at the photo above and feel hopeful that everything is possible. After all, (its my secret) I am supermom! Hahaha!

Cramming 101

Can you remember the time back then when you had to stay up reading books, making notes, studying for exams, doing research papers? I am currently studying again and so all these things are happening again. I guess some of us are just students for life! (We all are aren't we?).

Last week I was cramming a case study that was due last monday at midnight. Ten minutes to deadline I just submitted my work! Okay, I guess it would have helped a lot if the Lecturer/Teacher gave us all the details of the assessment a month ago. But no, he decided to give it to us 3 days before the paper was due!! So, obviously every single one of us crammed to finish this.

How unfair. I guess that's just the way student life is supposed to be. I cannot wait to graduate in November! So I can start with this new career!

Cramming Tips:

1. Keep water and food next to you while cramming. It saves time, by avoiding having to stand up to get them. Better yet, stuff yourself up a day before that way you don't have to be bothered on the day itself.

2. Have a fully charged mobile phone handy. To call classmates, to compare notes. And find out if you are stuck on the same question.

3. Warn family a day before due date. Tell them that you will be out of range, out of touch, incomprehensible, at least until assignment submission date. Keep a DND (Do Not Disturb) sign on your door.

4. Rest your hand, head and eyes a day before. So that typing will come easy, and possibly your mind will work properly.

5. Block networking sites from your computer a day before. That way you are not tempted to check your Facebook or Multiply or Myspace site while trying to accomplish something.

6. Just do it. There is nothing worse than having a mental blank while cramming to finish an assignment. So typing even nonsense is worth the jumpstart. Sooner (hopefully rather than later), the intellectual juices would flow effortless.

Shopping day

Today was shopping day for me and hubby, and I think it’s one of those few days that we actually both bought stuff we wanted. Usually it is just him who gets to purchase, and I, being the stingy one opts to window shop. Today also is the longest shopping day that we did not even have a tiny bit of argument about waiting while the other shopped! Have reached the point where we need a Debt Consolidation Loan to get through this recession? Not really. We have swiped our cards a fair bit, but we know our limits and how much we can afford. Maybe when we decide to purchase a car, a debt consolidation loan would be handy! For now, I have already paid our credit card bill so until our next shopping spree day!

How do I undo?

How do I un-memorize my credit card number? Now, when I find something online and I want it bad (or not), I have to count to 100 to try and resist the temptation!! Yikes!!

In the beginning, I thought I would not belong to this group of people, like my clients, who've memorized their numbers by heart. As if it was something precious to them. And now, I am surfing the net for this make up brand, and I am tempted. Should sleep it off. Tomorrow, maybe I would have forgotten. Or, maybe not.

(disclaimer: i am a responsible credit card owner with none or little balance off my card. :) But still, perhaps it's low EQ that I have).

Where? and Why?

Where would I be if I had chosen to stay in Manila? Pondering on how life would have been if I was (still) there. I could be enjoying myself with the company of people I love. Hanging out at some place over crepes (at Breton) or beer perhaps. Sometimes I think of these things. What if I was a person who never wanted to leave my homeland? I would probably lead a comfortable life. And by comfortable, I mean emotionally comfortable. Knowing that day in, day out, in one phone call, a few minutes (or so) drive, I will be with people I want to be with, at that time. I would probably be blissfully satisfied with all those emotional cravings that my family and friends would offer. On the other hand, I would have a job that would not pay me well, and that which I would endlessly complain about (not much difference with here i guess!). I probably wont be able to afford to live on my own and fend for myself. I would most likely be dependent on my parents for financial support for a longer time. Part of me wants to put blame on the government for this, that so many people in Manila (and anywhere in the Phils) would like to leave the country to be able to achieve financial independence. Think about so many families divided because of this situation. But then again, this situation is present in other countries. A lot of the foreigners I have encountered here have the main motive of improving their economic status. Sometimes I wonder where I would be happier, here or there? Where is the right place for me? Where do I belong? There are so many endless questions that I could ask, and as much as I would like to make the best of what I have at present/at hand, it is very difficult. Especially when homesickness sets in. All the financial freedom, career goals, etc that I have seem to fade into a distant memory. There are moments when I would just like to pack my bags and head home. No questions asked, no future considerations, no consequences. But life is not meant to be lived that way. In everything I do, I would have to think twice, thrice and so many times about the implications it would bring on my future. My fiance's and mines for that matter. After all, I led him to this life.

My fiance and I often talk about life and so many things involved in it. Such as where to settle. Where to raise our kids, how to raise them, what our ideals in life are, and what our ideal life would be. Oftentimes we would have the same emotions involved, but sometimes totally different actual ideas. Life here would entail a lot of sacrifice. Especially when kids come into the scene, one of us (most likely me) would be a stay at home parent, taking care of kids and the family's needs. Raising a child here is not easy, as we cannot depend on relatives or helpers to give assistance in rearing them. Or, just to watch them for a few hours while I have my "ME" time. Unlike in Manila, relatives will be around to offer (if not request them to) take care of the kids for a while. Here, it could be very restraining. Having to watch them 24/7 for 365/year. It will mean being involved in the baby's life every step of the way. In some cases that I have encountered here, some of the Filo parents bring their child to the Phils and leave them there with the grandparents. This is sad. Parents not really being able to fulfill their role as one. But then again, life here is different and I understand where they are coming from. They have a choice, and their choice is to work hard to be able to give their child the best. It must be a very difficult decision to do that. I wish and pray I would never have to decide on that.

I am feeling a little bit better after writing my thoughts about being here now, and my what ifs if I were in Manila. Its not much, but I think in all this, there is a purpose of me being here. I need to learn about life. Initially I really came here to study about Tourism. I learned a lot more than the things I learned inside the classroom. I learned to live on my own. I learned to cope with homesickness (most of the time, but of course, i break down too). I learned to be strong, for myself, by myself. I learned that if I wanted something done, I had to do, and no one would do it for me. I learned that after sometime one gets used to the place they live in, but one never forgets where one came from. I learned that out in the world, there are real situations, real life events that are not always easy to handle. I learned that life is not always easy, and that after being spoonfed for 20 years, one must learn to look for their own spoon, look for their own food, scoop it, and learn how to eat by themselves.It was not a very smooth road, but one must appreciate that, at least, there is a road. I learned that there are a whole lot of different types of people alive. Not all of them are nice. Not all of them play fair. Not all of them want whats best for you. Not all of them can be your friend. But maybe, One of them may be there at the hardest time of your life. I learned and understood that life is about the journey, and that we should at least make it as pleasant as possible for oneself and for others. For all we know, it is harder for the other person across the road. ( I heard that quote somewhere, worded differently of course).

On being a Team

Okay, we've been told by our Manager that we've got quite a special team. We all get along really well, and are so united to a fault sometimes. That's what happens when you put a bunch of girls together in a seemingly un-structured environment where our only source of morale boost is each other. Really. We made it through six months without a leader to guide us. Considering our team was built less than a year ago, myself being the most senior and the only founding member left in the team. We had a leader come and step in for about a few weeks but she did not last long for reasons I am sure we are not responsible for.

From a group previously composed of Four, we now have one new lady join us yesterday. So now we are Five. It may be a tactic of management to break into our solid teamwork. Not that we have not been reaching our targets while maintaining that high quality service because we have been doing pretty well and our figures can prove so.

But anyway, we are Five now. We would be evolving to a different mixture with our new team member. And only time will tell whether we will all gel constructively the way we used to. Nevertheless, work needs to be done. And whether we get on or not, work is something we do well and take seriously. Life goes on. C'est la vie.

Siblings and further studies

The other day I spoke with my siblings and they’ve told me that one of them was looking at studying masters in Australia. I would have been so happy for this, if only my sister meant it really. In the past, some of them told me they were interested in taking up some Nouveau Riche course or some other college program that would run for about half a year to as long as a year. For the longest time I’ve been asking any one of them to come visit me, or even live with me for a while to see if they like this country. Well, some of them visited my a few months ago. Even my youngest brother showed interest in taking up a Nouveau Riche course, but of course he was still just a freshman in high school! Still too young to be trying out another country with me as I would rather him still go on and live with my parents (just so he can get proper guidance and all that). Going back to my sister, so as much as I want to get my hopes up and be excited about her wanting to stay and study events management (or some Nouveau Riche course), I try not to think about it too much, until the day she says she’s got her visa all organized. Really, living overseas is not a joke, as it entails a lot of sacrifice and countless homesick moments. I would love to have any one of my family around with me, but only if they want to. After all, no one forced me to leave Manila in exchange for life abroad.

Seriously about life and drug rehab

Ever come across a time when you wanted to help a loved one, but they were not even willing to help themselves? I guess this has happened to each one of us, at one point or another. Whether it was concerning something big or just one of those petty things doesn’t matter. Whatever situation it may be, as a concerned family member or friend, we feel for our troubled loved one. It is never an easy thing to deal with straight on especially if we find out that that loved one needs to be brought to a drug rehab clinic. The first step is to come to terms and accept the situation for what it is. Oftentimes, when it is someone in our immediate circle who needs help, we deny the problem. Really, accepting the problem is the beginning of the solution. Showing that we care for our disturbed family member makes them feel loved, this is what they need instead of negative words. By openly talking it out with our loved one, with the help of trained counselors, we are showing our support for them. After all, we would rather see them slowly but surely regaining their confidence and life back, than to leave them to drown in their misery and addiction.

As a family member we only want the best care for our troubled loved one. In bringing them to a drug rehab clinic, it is always our intention to have a successful rehabilitation process. To have the best facilities available, and the best counselors’ support is the way to go. No one can tell how effective or successful this rehab process is than the person who experiences rehab as well as the close family. What everyone aspires for in this whole situation is for the loved one to come out as a winner.
Instead of waiting for things to unfold for the worst, it is wise to confront a serious situation as soon as possible. Communication plays an important part in cases like these. True enough if a loved one has pulled back and refuses to communicate about their drug problem then that’s a clear sign that they are in trouble. Should they come openly to you about their addiction problem is ideal, but most of the time never happens. Most of the time, if not always, to detect early on a seeming problem will be beneficial for all. And to have the proper information about which centre to take them to would work best. Perhaps if one needs to contact a clinic as soon as possible, then one could visit and consult with a successful California drug rehab centre

Recycling Plastics

Nowadays, a lot of individuals in households are conscious of disposing of their scraps properly. This is the way to go now, especially with a lot of issues happening in the world we live in eg, global warming, increasing diseases and other things. We live in a world where we should all be responsible for disposing scraps properly. Businesses are involved in this as well. One of the biggest industries that contribute to this is the food industry. With all the fast food scraps, drink bottles, food containers and other snack food packages that goes in transaction each minute of the day this is one area which particularly does a good deal of recycling. One type of plastic commonly found in food packages is High Density Polyethylene or HDPE. Recycling HDPE Scrap or Regrind HDPE (which are flake pieces) business is taken seriously by industries and as consumers we should still be aware of this. Recycle for a better world! I know I have been exposed to this early in my youth and have been conscious with segregating biodegradable items with non biodegradable items. Really, we can help out in recycling in that little effort that we put in!