Complete.

Complete is such a big word- especially when talking about being "done" with having kids.

I would love to have lots of kids, having come from a large family myself. However, there are a few important reasons which hubby and I think/agree/decide(d) on about having more children. (Note: We both would LOVE to have more, but with the way things are we don't think we will have any more).

(I've just realised now that a lot of my posts recently involve inumerations or lists of some sort - I just love, love, love lists!!) Here are two throw back posts fromlist loving 'me': Bursting with Ideas, and A traveller's check list.

Here are some of the reasons why hubby and I think our family is now complete:

1. We have two lovely girls with us, and a little boy in heaven watching over us. Our two girls have each other and we are beyond thankful that they will grow up with a lifelong friend/each other. As much as I would really love to have them be a part of a bigger sibling friendship..............

2. I am nearly 40 years old, and my body seems like it cannot cope with another pregnancy - having lost our little angel in 2014, having had 3 rather difficult pregnancies and deliveries. To have another pregnancy may not be the safest way.

3. Living overseas without family to help will drive me insane if we have another one. Although this one can really be overridden and only would be extremely difficult on the first year or two. Once the children reach 2 years old it usually is more cruise-y and enjoyable.

4. Serious financial issues must be looked at soon, and having another little one means our 'saving' mode will be delayed. We have decided since having our eldest that we would be the primary carer for our children and not put them in childcare for so many personal reasons. And having reason #3 to add to this situation, we have defaulted to being a one (regular) income family. I do have my business and sidelines, but that is very dependent on season and effort I put in (intentionally or involuntarily-- family comes first obviously).

These are the main reasons which I can think of now, but I am sure there are a few other compelling reasons to make us say our family is now complete. Although. while we were at church yesterday I felt this yearning to try for another boy. I think I saw a little boy seated (or lying on the floor mostly, actually!) and I wondered what it was like to be a parent of a little boy (on earth). They (boys) are a totally different specie to girls is what they say! I mentioned it to hubby but I don't think he felt the same yearning as I did. Although the feeling was real and true, I am set back by the above reasons.... and so I am just focusing on being happy and thankful for our girls.

Tonight, while scrolling on Facebook I came across a lovely page and store (etsy!). Just made me think even more about our family being complete and about my girls growing up as sisters. I myself have 3 sisters and so seeing these artworks put a smile and a tear at the same time.... for so many reasons. (And probably also due to my hormones!!).

Anyway, I came across Heather Stillufsen on Facebook, Blog and on Etsy. I love her work! Here are a few of her works which I find appropriate for this entry!

Photo from Heather Stillufsen's page

Photo from Heather Stillufsen's page

Change is happening

For SO long all I wanted was for little miss to have a sibling. I come from a huge family and would have wanted to have a big family too-but I started having kids quite late in my adult life....

After losing our little boy last year I yearned to try for another baby when I was ready and this year it happened. I am now at 37 weeks and ready to pop anytime now! A girl again this time. As much as I miss our little angel- I am still trying to accept the surreal reality that I may actually be bringing home our baby this time. Soon. There are still some raw emotions I think which I will have to deal with when this baby comes out and as much as I am trying to just take things one thing at a time and not overthink it is difficult.

I am wondering what kind of change I would have to go through when we have another addition to the family. Surely lots of changes will happen. And ideally here are some changes I hope to achieve for the best:

*Routine- Having a daughter already start school I have had a bit of a routine going for the family for a while now. This will change and hopefully I would get to incorporate a good new routine eventually while keeping what we already have been doing. Tweaking here and there I guess especially in the beginning.

*Freedom- I've had some freedom for a while now after going on a break from the 'corporate' world in 2014. I know I will encounter a 'shock' of some sort when my recently acquired freedom will cease to exist for another 5 years. Someone will depend on me 24/7 again- clinging to me and depending on me for everything small and big. I will have to activate that extra 'sense' and mother's instinct overdrive again. It's a different extra 'sense' when there is a newborn involved, and a different one with a school age child I think. I need to be 'extra sensitive' again as a mum. If that makes sense.

*Physically- I expect to be more tired (yet again). I will have 3 people to look after, after all! And a house to keep, meals to prepare, etc! I will need to get that extra vitamin boost I think!

*Emotionally- As with all births there is an emotional and hormonal change happening immediately and sometimes not so immediate after delivery. I would have to be open to the change that would follow the physical change happening with the family. New dynamics within our family would take place and learned.

*Time Management- I hope to be able to manage my time better with a new little one. I know the mistakes I have committed when our first was born and hopefully I would have learned how to go about with better this time around! I have to think strategically and think up ways to save me precious time!

*Effort- This would be a big change. If in the past I could wing it here and there, I guess having another little person would mean I would have to be wiser in my efforts and choosing priorities.

*Priorities- Linked with everything above I would have to adjust my mindset and choose my priorities wisely. Obviously it would be good to have some sort of income coming in while I am on leave caring for the new little one, but I should have that same focus when we had our first born where I could anticipate how she was feeling even before she felt it. And I have to be ahead of the game once again.

Oh the life as a parent- as a mum! Always full of challenges, changes and planning involved!

Nerdies at heart

Me and hubby are secretly nerdies at heart. At home during our down time we watch David Attenborough's specials on animals, nature, planet factoids. Sometimes we just watch any other documentary (we previously recorded) about the beginnings of life on Earth, planets and space. Other times we watch about docus on modern life, modern infrastructure and buildings, evolution of human life, other species, human culture and behaviour. Sometimes we watch about current events or special shows on refugees, immigration, travel and discovery.

This is one way hubby and I bond - over documentaries that interest us both. We find ourselves engrossed intellectually - discussing 'quietly' or as we watch along. Sometimes we are 'too relaxed' while watching and end up snoozing side by side, only to restart the show the next day.

(okay, occasionally when we are homesick we do bond over cheesy Filipino flicks or Filipino drama)

I really should share some of the interesting stories featured in some of the shows we watch... Hmm...

In the meantime, we are in search for a tv series to watch... Last time we dutifully followed a series was back in the day of "Lost" and Heroes" (oh and my Gossip Girl days).



From zazzle.com.au

Thank God for growth spurts

It's a dreary monday, full on raining. It's 9AM and it looks like 6PM. That gloomy! Even the little girl is still asleep, she must think it is still bedtime. I'm not complaining at all about her zzzzs, coz it means she is growing! Usually though she'd be awake and about at 8AM. But since she's not up yet, I was able to do a bit of bloghopping!! Yipee! I think the last time I was able to do this was ... I don't remember when! That long ago! Anyhow... I feel refreshed by reading other people's blogs, thoughts, ideas, etc. (Now have a mental note to make this yummy spinach dish! - oh yes because I will remember to!) and I was inspired to change my blog layout now. (what an accomplishment - haha!).

Photo from here http://www.flickr.com/photos/dode-aljda/2863747186/

I should probably be working now, but the weather is not very conducive plus the fact that it's a monday! And, I am enjoying my silent time now ... listening to B snoring away, the rain splattering on my window, my warm cup of hazelnut coffee, and a number of blogs to read. Sweet. Just a bit of me time. Old me time. Just like how it was yearssss ago.

Past expiry date?

Got back from our 15 day Manila trip last weekend and I still haven't fully unpacked yet. I'm still undecided whether to unpack or just wait for our next Manila trip. Not that we have one planned. Yet. The past trip confirmed our intention of moving home again. This time back home.

Like most 20something person I longed to leave home and live overseas. I've done so, now for almost 7 years calling Sydney my temporary home only to realise that it's no longer suiting its purpose. Now, seeing my family in Manila gave me purpose which hubby and I believe would be right for our baby Bella too. Purpose now is to be with family, spend quality time with both our parents and just 'BE' with them, one with them. We told our families our intention and plans. We now just have to move towards that goal and live happily ever after.

So, has life abroad reached it's expiry date? Well, for me/us, if it no longer serves its purpose then yes. On to more meaningful existence.

Finally!

After months, long hours, sleepless nights .. I managed to order the major furnitures for baby's room!! :) So very glad. Am happy, I got to order all that I wanted. And, it will be delivered in three days!
There are a few other pieces that I ordered .. I can't find decent photos of them. Hopefully I get to post a picture of the nursery once it's all done! Am so excited!!

If these walls could talk

I've been meaning to put a bit of wall art into our home ever since we have moved in. Initially we wanted to have a wall with our favorite photographs, chosen from our travel collection. It still remains to be one unfinished project for hubby (and myself). We received a few picture frames from friends who have volunteered to print their favorite photos, but these frames are of different sizes and so they are just all in one table top (for now).

I had an idea to maybe put up either a modern art piece or something like the eternity tree from the website I saw online. It was something that caught my eye since it was not that ordinary, but not that eccentric either. I would need to check with hubby if that suits him, or if we should just choose an abstract art work instead. Most of the time I trust hubby to choose our home furniture pieces, since he's got the better 'eye' than me. It's a good thing that I usually agree to his decisions on matters like these. After all, he's done such a good job with our current place. I really should remind him to complete our art wall project!

House or Baby

Okay, maybe too much information. But, just wanted to ramble on. This week, my sister in law gave birth to a bouncing cute baby girl! This made us think double time to revv up our plans. We aren't getting any younger. And you know the fact that as one gets older, the harder it is to actually get pregnant. But then again, we were thinking whether it is better to buy a house first, and then have a baby. I know at the end of the day it boils down to priorities, and blessings. Baby will come when God wills. But, then it is always best to be prepared, I suppose.

Hubby was telling me how happy he is for his sister's new bub, and he kept on looking at the new baby's photos! (As in, I saw him curled in bed this morning looking through his mobile phone!). He also was dropping hints about maybe going to the Doc for a check up to see if I am okay to get pregnant (don't know if there's such a consultation for this).

I was telling him though, that I am thinking (if ever) to give birth in Manila. It would not be a bad idea to give birth in Sydney, but then we've been hearing a few disturbing things about some hospital practices here, and besides we don't know which hospital is better, which doctor, etc. I would also love to be surrounded by family at that time (We have no family at all here). Further on, we were thinking that maybe we could have an extended three month vacation in Manila as well. Since we've been wanting to do this for a while now. Just reconnect with people, live in Manila for a while again, etc. Oh wellll... Enough ramblings. At the end of the day, things will fall into place I know.

(Photo from RobFitch.com)

The problem with not knowing

It's that time of the year again, and I am wanting to have a pet at home. It would be great to have a cat or a dog to wake up to and play with. However, one of my ultimate fear about having a pet at home is fleas! My family had a pet cat one time that had a lot of medical issues including flea problem. Although, they managed to remove all the fleas using cat flea treatment. Maybe my issue about pets is ignorance. I should probably do my own research on the website I found, and I might change my mind about keeping a pet at home.

Gardens and Flowers

If I had my way I would love to care for a garden with lots of flowers. Flowers with different shapes, sizes, colours, fragrances. For now, since I do not have a garden, I am simply contented with taking photos of such lovely things.

Talk about dream house

How many times have I looked over home products for my dream home? I cannot count!I have always been fascinated with the idea of building my own home one day. There is even a game that I used to play for hours just building this dream house. I guess in the long run, when the time comes for me to actually draft my blue print, I would know exactly what I like. As early as now, one can never be too excited about installing the perfect set of carpets, lovely and huge windows, plus that dream exterior shutters which I am sure would just go really well with the whole garden layout. I am getting too excited about this dream home talk!

Appalling news : Victoria bushfires

How sad it is about the recent news on the Victoria bushfires that's been going on for a while now, particularly the ones the past week. I've even seen on the news that the Victorian premier and Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd caught on camera getting very emotional about this situation. Imagine at the moment total death toll is at 134 lives, and it still meant to rise and hit about 200. More than 750 homes raised to the ground. Crazy! And, to think a few of the fires apparently have been lit up by some psycho arsonist/s!

Day in, Day out this is the body of the news. It is very depressing, and really one would be moved to tears and emotion watching these stories. People losing loved ones, pets, their homes, memories, things of sentimental value, businesses, etc. People affected ask where do they start from here? How do they start building their lives again. Unimaginable. Imagine running for your life, away from raging fire. Exasperating.

I can only pray for these people, for strength, to get up and rebuild their lives. If you would want to give donation to help these people, red cross australia organises this through their website. Information is found here.

My current floral obssession

Since about November, I have been into fresh flowers. I have been keeping a fresh bunch at my vase at home, and so far it has never been empty. In December it was the Christmas bush, and in January I had a bunch of gerberas and lilies, now I am just about to discard my lavender. In high school I thought I was just interested in everything floral such as : pencil cases, binders, organizers, bags. I never really got to cultivate my love for flowers until I had my own home. I realized that flowers can make a big difference in enlivening a room. Flowers give that sense of calmness and joy, that’s why it is given to a loved one when welcoming a new family member, in times of grief, at weddings, at concerts, during courtship, etcetera. Depending on the type of flower, there are various meanings attached to it and depending on the occasion. Going back to decorating my home, I guess at the moment I am just really trying to channel my energy to nurturing a plant since I don’t have my own bub yet. Perhaps I would not even mind trying my skills later on when we have our own place, to try and see if I’ve got a green thumb, by keeping a garden. I am just dreaming on, I should first try to make my current African violent plant sprout some flowers again! Still so much to learn!

Family and Food

Oh how I wish I was in Manila now spending weekly dinners out with my family, or going on out of town trips with them. Or, even just to spend at least a weekend with them once a month is enough for now. (hehe).


My family just loves trying the new restaurant in town. We live right smack in the middle of Ortigas Center that's why. Being one with the city is a way of life, a part of our system. Should I say WAS. But, really I know I will always be a city girl, anywhere or wherever I am.


Anyway, I am missing them at the moment. Start of a brand new year can possibly do that to one. On an early gloomy, quiet saturday it can. Maybe cause I am about to marinade our grilled pork lunch, and I am wishing I could have lunch out instead. But of course, going out for meals in Sydney is a luxury one should sparingly indulge in otherwise go broke. Or, maybe I just wish someone could clean dishes for me, or set the table. Not. These are probably just my way of missing family and home. And, the countless conversations we have over Japanese, Thai, Filipino, or whatever cuisine. Or, even just home prepared bread, adobo/etc flavour tuna in jar (? forgot what its called), salad, cabanossi, olives, cheese and wine. We were never conventional in this way as my mum is not a big cook although she claims to be. So, most of the time we have takeaway or eat out next door (at the mall).

Anyway, I have to do my porkchop now.

Classic timepieces

I believe that there are some home pieces that can actually liven up the whole place by that mere pretty piece set in a good location at home. Of course, among other things such as a Christmas tree (given this season), grandfather clocks can do this to a home as well. At my grandparent’s old home, they used to have a really nice eye-catching grandfather clock that would do its round song, round the clock, and it would just be a source of conversation for first time visitors. If I were to buy my own one, and if I had a massive house, I would put it very close to the dining and living area. The cost is like buying your usual big appliance, so might as well make it a big thing part of the conversation!

These excellent timepieces are very much an accessory, as it is a practical home or office piece as seen in that photo of President Bush calling the new president elect Obama. Really, classic clocks can never really go out of style. There are a lot of clocks out in the market, but that one special one would be a reflection of one’s home style and character. I’ve seen a few of them that were very modern, while still some other ones are really a classic!

Laptop Break

I Can't wait to get my internet connected!! Finally (cross fingers) I get it set up by tomorrow night!! :) It's just so annoying that I can't open up and read my blogger friends' blog updates with different windows open, while I check email, read online Filipino news, and my Pinoy showbiz,etc!

I have to admit I enjoyed giving my laptop a bit of a break. I was able to catch up on sleep. I think almost every day I was asleep way before midnight. I was awake as well by about 7 or 8 am. I have let go of a lot of blog opportunities and entries I said I would do, but then again I don't regret it (much). I know I would live another day without net. I guess when you don't have a choice then you just have to live with that fact.

Oh well.

I have also gone to a couple of places, picnics, night outs with friends and colleagues and of course boyfriend. I guess every once in a while we all need a break from the online world. I had mine, for the year! So, next hiatus would hopefully be not until next year. HAHA.

House and Floor and Plans

My sister in law and her husband are planning to sell their current small house because in a few months they are expecting to expand their family. They are looking at either buying a built in and ready to move into house, or purchase a lot wherein they could create their own by coming up with their own Country House Plans and have someone build for them. They are still in a toss up trying to decide on this, and they were saying that either way it will be a lot of work. I could not agree with her more. Whatever House Plans they decide on, will entail work. They are just happy to find prepared house ideas online such as log home floor plans, as this makes life a little bit easier.

I was wondering when my boyfriend and I decide to have children later on, and if we should already consider this at all when buying a house. I suppose we should just take one thing at a time.

Every once in a while

... I get this lonely feeling that I just want to pack my bags and head back to Manila. Crazy thought... After all the years that I've been working to get my residency here... It's true. I had a conversation once with a stranger on a bus, years ago, when I first got to Sydney. She said she had just got her residency, and she was still feeling empty. I couldn't understand her then. I thought to myself I just couldn't wait for the day I got my residency.

It's been more than 6 months since I got my PR (permanent residency), and I am really really thankful to God for this. But, I now understand the lady on the bus. She had her family back home as well, and so do I. And, life is just not as rich when you are in a foreign land alone. There are days when I see photos of my family (and friends) enjoying a good celebration and I just wish I was there to be with them. No amount of $$$ can buy that dream of wanting to be home. I'm sure anyone in the same boat will agree. It is one thing to pursue career, but another thing to know you are home. C'est La Vie.