Half Year

In two weeks time I would have been not working for six months already! I cannot believe how quick that's been. It seems only like yesterday I was filing my maternity leave application....

Where did time go?

Well, surely it happened in between my early morning feeds, staring at my little one, celebrating bella's first month, second month, etc., manila trip, bella's christening, hot summer days, cool afternoon autumn strolls, and countless baby photos and videos of our bub... There have been a lot of milestones in between then and now, a huge collage of events both trivial and memorable.. We are halfway through 2010, and I am just wondering what the remainder of the year will bring.

Unfinished Business

Every so often I am sure we all ponder about those "Unfinished Businesses" that we have. Oftentimes we push the thought aside, knowing that the longer we think about them the more bitter we become. Really it is not always easy to let go of those what ifs in life. And the only solution to it is : Time. The longer we move away from the past the less important they become, and the more in touch we become with the reality that it isn't.

Unfinished Businesses have a purpose. And that is, to be part of the past that once was, but no longer is. I am sure if things turned out the way they were meant to be, then we don't have those what ifs. Sometimes things left unfinished are left at its best that way. Don't we all agree to that?

The magic of no endings allow us to relish the thoughts that will be kept in that snow globe of memories.

Flowers for Her

When I was younger I used to think very differently to my mom. We used to disagree about so many things, whether it was a petty issue or something trivial. She used to impose her opinions on me, and offer unsolicited advice. As I grew older things did not change. She was still very opinionated and bossy. When I moved here to live on my own, I remember missing her nagging and hearing her opinions. It took me a while to get used to living without her being always there with something to say about everything. She had the answers to everything and for this I admired her. She is one of the most intelligent women I know, and I love her so much.

I remember when I was in college I used to go bonding with her at the mall. We would spend countless times shopping and going for a snack afterwards. We would chat about everything. There were also a lot of times in college when she would pick up me and my friends from school and treat us for lunch at the country club. She instantly became the star mom that everyone loved and thought was cool. I was so proud of her.

Now that mother's day is coming up, I am sending her a lovely bouquet of flowers care of my siblings in Manila. As much as I wish I could be there to spend it with her, I can’t. Maybe next year she can spend it here and visit me!

A very long way

Come to think of it, I've been through quite a lot of stages in my life. Of course, this comes with age. The fact that I've been around for three decades now, is pretty much revealing the wrinkles of my existence.

I remember being a young athlete and music-lover. Countless summers spent in front of the keyboard, or strumming guitar strings, exercising my vocal chords, or doing laps in the pool, chasing after tennis balls or prancing around with my badminton racket on hand, practicing my pirouettes and run, run, run jumps. I remember switching from my ballerina shoes to my tennis runners, and in between stealing glimpses at my cute young swimming coach. The joys of youth. So much energy, so much time at hand.

I remember being a young traveler, doing summer exchange programs all over the Philippines and around Europe, witnessing to other youths and sharing culture and faith. That was my life for a good 10 years. Until, I moved to Sydney, and my then social life suddenly shrunk to a few or handful good friends. What used to be weekends giving inspiring 'talks' amidst a good hundred people, turned to one saturday night one-on-one wine talks with one good friend. They are both nonetheless, quality time spent, they just belong on opposite ends of the spectrum and quite incomparable. Time can do that to a person, pleasure in number, 100 or 1.

I remember being a student at university, three times over. 30 years, 10 schools, thousands of acquaintances, dozens of subjects, handful of confidants, a few heartaches, and neverending learning.

Could have been a restaurateur

When I was younger and thinking of my career options and all that, I thought about opening a restaurant together with my sibings. I guess, since our family loved to eat good food, dine out and try new restaurants this idea would have been perfect! However, I had some issues that's why I never really pursued this thought. One, I am not a good cook. Never was, and never will be one. It is my other sibling who was good at this so, the restaurant business still could have worked if we pushed through with it. Two, well, I moved overseas. Thus, geographically my sibling and I wouldn't have been able to run this together (she does not live in the same country as me).

Although, just as an imagination exercise, I can try to construct my dream restaurant in my mind again now. As I imagine it, my dream restaurant would have a very relaxed ambience, with matching mood lights and soft, calming music. Cuisine would be simple, no frills food and drinks. Perhaps a lot of sweet stuff, such as dessert. Likewise, a menu of thirst quenching concoction of drinks. I would also serve continental meals, that are not fussy or complex food. As for the actual dining area, I would have the restaurant chair be some sort of a lounge type. It could even be fluffy ones, where one could flop onto and enjoy long conversations and meals with family and friends. Overall, I am thinking casual atmosphere would work for my target market. Oh well, my dream can go on longer, especially if I were talking to my sister!

Looking forward to quiet friday nights..

Last friday I went out for drinks with the ladies from work. I found myself not being up for that night for some reason. Perhaps coz it has been a long week, plus I knew I had no weekend to look forward to due to saturday and sunday classes. Or, maybe I was just really maturing (READ: getting old). I was thinking that I might have enjoyed my friday night if I spent it quietly at home with hubby. Oh well! I will make sure I get this quiet friday night next week!!

High School

I remember in High School, when my batch mates and I used to come up with our batch logo for the school's cheering competition. We used to brainstorm as a batch, and then had the different class presidents come up with logo shirts that we would all wear for that three day event. I reminisce and enjoy looking at photos of those high school days. Ah, how simple life was back then. The only thing that mattered then were friends, homeworks, weekend shopping, etc. I guess most people really have fond memories of growing up. If only we could go back in time, and re-live those experiences again!

Where is Wally??

A few weeks ago hubby and I stayed for a few nights at a beach front property. That was one weekend that we enjoyed. The weather was perfect, was warm enough to enjoy the beach, cool enough to spend a few minutes on a picnic mat, etc. We did not have any tours planned, no itinerary whatsoever just plain and simple weekend of hanging out and enjoying each other's company. It was perfect! How I wish we could get on another getaway soon!

Sleepy Newcastle

Last December hubby and I went to Newcastle for 3 nights. For local Sydneysiders Newcastle is not really the typical 'getaway' one dreams on going. I guess coz it can get pretty quiet up there. What more to visit during Christmas weekend.

Having said that, it was one getaway we still enjoyed. It was a very peaceful, relaxing time away from the big city. I guess it helped that we got into a nice one bedroom unit/suite with our own jacuzzi, dining room, kitchenette, two loos, two televisions, the works!! We loved the space! Plus to top that all, it was all free! (got my travel agent voucher).

What is there to do in Newcastle? One can walk along the quiet but interesting CBD streets. Or, spend the day at Nobby's Beach. If one does not feel satisfied just hanging out here, one can do the coastal walk through ocean baths/rockpool,etc. One could also go biking or hiking in and around the city.

I guess Newcastle has its own charms, depending on what you are after in a holiday, one can find that it can be quite a gem of a city!

Those were the days

I remember a few years ago when hubby was still in Manila, and I was still studying. At the university library they blocked a lot of web based chat sites and we were looking for Free Online Chat that we could use. During those times internet phone technology was still in it's early stages, and my mobile network did not support those sort of things. How I wish they already had those in place back then so that my phone bill did not rack up hundreds of dollars! But oh well, I'm just really glad he is here with me now. The joys of olden days long distance relationships!

Remember when I used to hide chocolate eggs

As early as now, I am thinking of Easter Celebration Ideas. Really, come to think of it, Easter holiday is not that far away (only about 2 months and a bit). I am wondering how we are celebrating it this year. Last year my family was here and we spent it at the Sydney Royal Easter show. I don't think we are going there this time. One of the best easter celebrations I had attended was in Denmark a number of years ago. We arrived Copenhagen just in time for Easter and the children went on an easter egg hunt around the church courtyard. I guess this does not really beat my favorite Easter moments when I was younger. I used to be assigned to hide easter eggs around the house. It was a combination of real eggs, as well as chocolate eggs. My siblings enjoyed looking for them around the house, but not as much as hiding them! I remember still finding eggs a few weeks after the celebration though! I am such a good keeper, I do not even remember where I hid them!

Hobbies and Things

At some point in our busy lives, we have tried to take on a hobby. At the moment, my work colleague is seeking for a hobby that she can take up on her own or with her partner. She’s undecided whether to take a sports hobby or a creative hobby. She’s leaning towards taking the sports one though, as she’s recently discovered a Sports club in her suburb. As for me, my hubby and I have our photography hobby to keep us busy although another personal hobby may work for me. Should I possibly try pottery? When I visited a small town in Denmark a number of years back, I have seen a pottery making shop which was interested me. At their shop, obviously they were trying to sell these things so high high fire glazes were used, together with texturing tools and amaco kilns. They were so much great professionals or craftsmen that one could watch them hone their skills so magnificently. Their finished products were so pretty that at that time I wanted to try and make a pot myself. Although I did not intend to make a living out of pottery, they say it can be a good outlet for those bad days. I guess it is quite an investment if I decide to take it on. I know the AMACO/Brent website would be quite helpful to me one day!

Busy Sydney Intersection

In the heart of the city of Sydney there are a few intersections where people are allowed to criss cross the streets from all FOUR points (providing the lights are red in all car traffic direction-- see photo people criss crossing across the somewhat busy intersection). One of it is the intersection of George and Park Streets. This is usually considered the middle of the city, and it is where the Town Hall is located (see building in photo). This lovely architecture of a building witnessed and continues to witness various events such as: classical music concerts, rallies, Chinese new year performances, Bridal shows, to name a few at the top of my head which I have seen or attended. This major public venue has stood in its spot over a century! I am sure it would have an interesting history to it if I was patient enough to research on it.

The college I studied at when I first came to Sydney is located literally about 30 steps from the Town Hall, the Woolworths metro where I used to do a lot of my grocery shopping is just at the corner, coffee bonding moments with family and friends happened within this same block, countless dinner at McDonalds, at least five dozen films watched at the cinema within the same area, etc etc. A lot of my first few memories of Sydney life revolved around this photo.

One photo can ignite millions of memories for this writer, photographer, traveller, student, friend, lover, partner, etc. Really a picture can paint a thousand words. Perhaps even create a whole life story with just one photograph. The power of memory.

Family and Food

Oh how I wish I was in Manila now spending weekly dinners out with my family, or going on out of town trips with them. Or, even just to spend at least a weekend with them once a month is enough for now. (hehe).


My family just loves trying the new restaurant in town. We live right smack in the middle of Ortigas Center that's why. Being one with the city is a way of life, a part of our system. Should I say WAS. But, really I know I will always be a city girl, anywhere or wherever I am.


Anyway, I am missing them at the moment. Start of a brand new year can possibly do that to one. On an early gloomy, quiet saturday it can. Maybe cause I am about to marinade our grilled pork lunch, and I am wishing I could have lunch out instead. But of course, going out for meals in Sydney is a luxury one should sparingly indulge in otherwise go broke. Or, maybe I just wish someone could clean dishes for me, or set the table. Not. These are probably just my way of missing family and home. And, the countless conversations we have over Japanese, Thai, Filipino, or whatever cuisine. Or, even just home prepared bread, adobo/etc flavour tuna in jar (? forgot what its called), salad, cabanossi, olives, cheese and wine. We were never conventional in this way as my mum is not a big cook although she claims to be. So, most of the time we have takeaway or eat out next door (at the mall).

Anyway, I have to do my porkchop now.

Send someone a handwritten letter

If there was only one person you could mail a letter to at this point in your life, who would it be? And why?

There are so many people that we would love to get in touch with again. If only we took the time to write them a handwritten heartfelt letter. Instead of typing away a cold email. But then again, do people still appreciate handwritten letters? I know I still do.

That brown paper stationery

I'm sure some of you may relate to stationery collecting as a teenager. I remember collecting, swapping and just staring at my stationeries. I had a whole big box full of stationery with different scents, colours, sizes, shapes, designs, etc! I remember using them to write to my then penpals (I had about 2 or 3 constant pen friends) and good friends who I wanted to show off my stationeries to! I remember collecting papemelroti stationeries the most. I guess coz it was Philippine made and I enjoyed visiting their shops to look at statios and trinkets of sorts.
Recently I've stumbled upon Papemelroti's website and just brought back memories of elementary and high schoool days. :) Letter writing to peers (who may have been a seatmate or who was from a different year level or different class room) was something we all must have done at some point. I admit this habit carried on to college. I suppose writing's always been something I loved doing, whether it be on ink and paper, or typing away on square letter buttons!

Games kids and adults play!

There was a time when boyfriend and I were so into Apple Mac games. We would take turns playing jewel quest 3 for mac, and other times we’d try some new game, but we’d still end up playing jewel quest again later on. He even went to surf the internet to find a good mac blog how obsessed is that? I think once in a while we still get these moments when we act like kids taking turns playing computer games, or sometimes watching while the other plays! It’s probably one of the ways we bond, among the many other childlike activities we do (we used to play Daytona, the car racing arcade game!). He sometimes made me win, which I did not appreciate, because I would have stood a chance in beating him in the game anyway! We all have our own bonding activities with our partners. No matter how silly, playful, lame it may be, it brings us closer. Thank God for moments like these. When we’re old we’d probably either laugh it off, or try playing the computer games again!

Planning a divorce? Read this, and think again.

--I've received this realllly heart melting story. If you are contemplating about cheating on your partner, planning a divorce, or you just feel you need to rekindle your love, read this. It is long, but really nice.---

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now, I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

I have a confession to make..

.. Sometimes my memory is too good, I surprise myself!

I don't know when it started. I could have had it in me ever since (as if) but then I would have to say it is not in all areas. I am bad at trying to remember what I wore last week, or what I ate yesterday for breakfast, or that an old good friend had a mole in between her mouth and chin. Ordinarily I don't remember these details. There are a few funny stories about my memory lapse on these instances. I actually told that my friend (with the mole) that she had some dirt on her chin!!! I was embarrassed by this! Another instance I told my colleague she had dirt on her cheek! She said it was a permanent scar/scratch of some sort. I would say it so casually that I just forgot that I HAVE seen them (mole and scar) before!

But with travel, it is quite different. With airport and city codes and computer entries, and geography and maps, capital cities, etc. I have quite a good memory. I also am a bit quite good at memorising telephone numbers, passenger details, etc. I guess it's what is called selective memory?

About Ballet Shoes, Tennis Balls, Swim Suits, Piano books, Life lessons and other things

As a young person, I was exposed to different activities that involved honing my then so-called talents. I suppose everyone in my family went through this. It is only my two youngest siblings that got away with doing what they wanted. That’s what I get for being the eldest. The guinea pig of it all. First born over pampering at times. Wanted to expose me to everything. Try this. Try that. Enrol in this and that. I have spent a few summers attending ballet classes. I loved wearing tutus and those pretty pink ballet shoes. I’ve even performed in a real recital at the Cultural Centre of the Philippines, commonly known as CCP.

Together with my siblings and cousins, I took piano lessons while doing ballet on the side. It was my mom’s ultimate goal for one of her children to be a pianist. I guess that wasn’t my long term plan. I took up piano lessons again later in my late elementary years but only to give me bad memories of my piano teacher flicking my fingers each time I made a mistake in playing my piece. My piano career ended with a grand recital. I don’t think I’ve touched the piano ever since.

Everyone in my family is a swimmer. Ever since I can remember, the water was introduced as a friend. To be honest I kind of loved this one. I’ve trained in varsity, competed at inter-level games, did even more training. Until I realized for myself I wasn’t really up for the whole competition thing. I swam because I liked it. Not because I had to be the fastest swimmer. That was the end of my early career as a swimmer. I now just enjoy lazing in the beach. Or, dipping in pools when I am on holidays. I plan to teach my kid (when I have them) to swim though.

During my pre-teens I took tennis lessons for two summers (while swimming). I had pent up energy that I guess I had to release at that moment in my life. I found it too unladly-like as my forearms were getting to muscular, I stopped. I had a relapse doing badminton, for a while, until I figured I was just kidding myself. Stuck in an airtight room sweating was not my thing. I probably did this coz I was crushing this badminton player at the country club.

As a young adult in my early university years, I took up guitar and voice lessons (on separate occasions). Again this was short lived. I was trying too hard, and the lessons made me feel obliged to attend. I could not sustain my interest in high notes and twisted fingers trying to make music with guitar strings. I ended up requesting for a refund for the remainder of my music term.

Through it all, I guess I tasted a bit of everything in my youth in terms of activities. I know of people who were never encouraged to get into sports, the arts or music. My parents overwhelmed me with all these opportunities. Until when I finally asked them to enroll me into French class. This tapped my soul. I was inclined to learn about culture, language and travel. This was even strengthened in college, when I had to take Spanish as an elective. Truly I knew I had a calling.

It was a long journey trying to tap what it was I was really interested in. However, no matter what I am thankful that I was able to get the best of everything. It all worked well, and I can now appreciate my parents’ efforts in exposing me to the activities while I was young.

In life, I guess there are things that we have to try at least, for us to know truly whether it is something we would pursue. Once we realize what is and what is not for us, only then can we move on to the next!